Hogwarts Staff Photos
by NeverBeenDarkMarked
Summary: The time of year has come when the Hogwarts staff get their annual photo taken. The sense of team unity is slightly lacking and the whole thing becomes a bit of a ordeal.
1. Snape

This is a story about the staff photos at Hogwarts. I have exaggerated everything a bit for the purposes of making it more funny. This first chapter shows a little on Snape, and how much he hates his photo being taken. enjoy!

**Disclaimers: Work it out, it isn't hard. If I owned Harry Potter this would all be published work, and since it's not, I don't own any of it!**

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Snape sat down at the desk and pulled open the folded note that someone had left sitting there. It was in Minerva's handwriting.

_Staff photos will take place today at 4:30 in the staff room. Everyone has to be there! Oh, and Severus, do try to smile._

Snape looked at his clock in alarm. Good, he was late. The potions master smirked as he sat down again. They would just have to do without him. He would only ruin the photos anyway; he didn't understand why his sulking presence had to be dragged into them every year. Surly Dumbledore would finally give in and let him stay away. He leaned back in his chair and lifted the old dusty book from its place on the table. Suddenly his fireplace blazed green.

Snape jumped violently and leapt off his chair, pulling his wand from beneath his robes.

"I'll curse you." He warned as Professor McGonagall stepped out of the fireplace. Minerva raised an eyebrow.

"I'm terrified."She layered on the sarcasm. Snape glared at her.

"I don't have to go. You can manage without me." He backed right against the wall though, just in case. "You don't have to have me spoiling the pictures."

Minerva stepped forward "That's Alright then, because this year you won't be spoiling them."

Snapeswept neatly around and put the desk between him and the Gryffindor head. "Exactly, I won't be spoiling them because I. Won't. Be. Going." He said each word separately, trying to drum it into her thick skull. Minerva sighed.

"Must we go through this every time?" She was sick of having to drag him in front of the camera year after year.

"_I _don't like to be photographed." He hissed at her exasperated expression. "You _know_ that."

She tried changing tactics "They're all waiting for you."

"You think I care." He truly didn't. People said a lot of things about him, but he wouldn't let it hurt him. Although sometimes they got a little below the belt – he quickly cut off his thought before they strayed to Lily.

This time was different anyway; his pride was at stake, again. Why did that always seem to happen at Hogwarts? He blamed Albus, something he was doing more and more these days. It was hard to remind himself he was being unfair when the old man would sit so calmly and never raise a finger in his own defence. Perhaps that was why Severus found Albus so easy to blame. He shook his head to clear it and glared furiously at Minerva.

McGonagall was staring right back. She knew Severus was likely to listen to Albus, but he was still trying to sort out a little dilemma in the kitchen, (what timing Peeves had!)– So they had sent her, again.

There was no point trying to curse Snape, he wouldn't take that lying down and she was likely to end up in the hospital wing if he had any excuse, like "She attacked me first." Perhaps a subtle threat – no, that wouldn't scare Snape. It would have to be Dumbledore. Snape never took orders from anyone else.

"Dumbledore sent me." She told him.

"That's nice; tell him that I am not going." Snape said sarcastically.

"Honestly Severus, it's only one little photo."

"Precisely my point," He said in patronising tones. The woman really was getting slow on the uptake.

McGonagall took another step and Snape began to edge towards the door.

Suddenly there was another flare of green light and Professors Sprout and Flitwick entered. Pomona sighed "Ah, we thought this was the problem." She whipped out her wand. So did Flitwick.

"Severus, do try to clam down, we wouldn't want a scene." The little Charms Professor squeaked.

"I beg to differ," Snape sneered, wand out also.

"Severus you are behaving like a child." Minerva really sounded exasperated. "We only want to get this over and done with. You can go back to your work when we're done."

Snape scoffed "That isn't my issue. I've told you all a million times, I don't like having my photo taken, never have, never will." It was partly the kids at school, who would always laugh at his photos, and partly his own hatred of seeing his face reproduced and printed out into many more copies.

Flitwick and Pomona looked at Minerva, seeming to be communicating something he couldn't see. Minerva nodded ever-so-slightly, but he saw it. He flicked his wand, using a non-verbal spell, but Flitwick saw it coming and blocked it just before it hit. Snape raised his wand to strike again but the fireplace blazed green and Albus Dumbledore stepped from the flames.

Snape lowered his wand almost immediately.

"Headmaster," There was a certain resignation in his tone. He knew he had lost. This seemed to happened, in one way or another, every year. Snape knew when to give up.

"Severus, would you please join us in the staff room."

Snape gave the other three heads of house his most scorching glare before following Dumbledore to the fireplace.

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Hope you liked it, more coming soon.


	2. Trelawny

Part two, with a focus on Trelawny.

**Disclaimer: You should know by now that I don't own Harry Potter!**

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With a few more flares of Green flame the four last staff members stepped out Of the fireplace.

"Finally," Professor Burbage sighed. "I'm getting sick of the yearly ordeal of getting Snape to join in!"

"I agree!" Piped up Professor Sinistra. Most of the staff began to open their mouths but Snape spat "Oh, give it a rest won't you? Let's get this over and done with!"

Then he swept into the very back of the staff room and set about hiding in the shadows. Dumbledore smiled at him before clapping his hands "Alright then, everybody into place for the – Where on Earth has Sybill gone?"

Charity gave an audible sigh. She sank into a chair. Call me when we're finally starting!" She grumbled and opened a book on her lap.

"Charity, it won't be long." Minerva told her. "Sybill probably just stepped out briefly."

Flitwick peeked out into the hall and groaned.

"She isn't there." He informed them. Charity looked like she was ready to leave herself.

"I'll go and get her," Minerva sighed. She stepped into the fireplace again, because she couldn't stand the thought of walking up six or so floors to Sybill's office. Calling out her destination as clearly as possible she was gone.

"Sybill!" Minerva called sharply as she reached the Divination classroom. "We're all waiting for you!" There was no reply, honestly, the woman was very childish!

"Sybill, Severus has joined us and we are waiting on you!"

There was aloud sniff from the chair by the fire.

"For goodness sake Sybill!" McGonagall called when she saw her college. "Do you really need more sherry?"

Sybill Trelawny looked up at the older woman and tried to hide the bottle under her shawls.

"I don't know what you mean Minerva." Her voice was cold. "I was merely crystal gazing."

She gestured a little too broadly to the right and promptly knocked the ball from the table where she tried to catch it and succeeded only in knocking her glasses askew and looking more foolish as she hoisted the heavy thing back onto the table.

"When the inner eye calls one must not ignore.

"Yes Sybill," McGonagall was loosing patience. "So you have said a number of times, but we cannot be kept waiting any longer. The photos need to be taken today, and at the rate we're going it'll be Christmas before we've done anything.

Trelawny stood up as if it was a great effort to do so and carefully rearranged her shawls. "Alright, I'm coming."

Minerva walked to the fire without a backwards glance, but before she stepped in she glanced at the room behind her. Sybill was gone.

"Oh, for goodness sake, what now?" She snapped and walked back across the room the chair, which was empty. In fact, now that McGonagall looked around, Sybill wasn't anywhere in sight. Minerva looked up and stepped through the cloud of incense and smoke that hid the door to Trelawny's office. A quick look inside told her it was empty too.

Minerva turned, loosing her patience and shutting the door firmly behind herself. That meant she could only be out of the trapdoor.

McGonagall climbed down, wishing she'd not volunteered for this job. There was no sign of Trelawny but she soon spotted Anthony Goldstein and some other Ravenclaws.

"Have you seen Professor Trelawny?" She asked them.

"Yes. She went that way." Anthony told her, pointing down the stairway. Minerva held back a sigh, gave the kids a small smile and followed Sybill down.

It seemed she was taking the long way to the staff rooms...

Sybill arrived and sank into a chair. The rest of the staff looked confused when no Minerva followed. Dumbledore smiled at Trelawny. "Where's Minerva?" he asked.

Trelawny feigned surprise.

"Minerva? I haven't seen her."

Snape sneered "Then how on Earth did you know to come back here."

"The inner eye-" She began, but the door opened then.

"There you are Sybill! I've followed you right around the castle. Why couldn't you just floo back?"

Snape smirked "The inner eye indeed,"

Trelawny looked a little put out, but she covered it quickly "Don't be so childish Severus. Let's all get into place. I can't wait all day!" and she clapped her hands as if she was the one in charge.

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I hope to get part three to you all soon. Reveiw please!


	3. Sprout

Here's chapter three - Professor Sprout! Don't worry, you will find out what's happening back in the staff room in the next chapter.

**Do I need a disclaimer in every chapter or what? Please tell me if you review, but to be on the safe side... I don't own Harry potter! So none of these lovely staff members and students are mine :(**

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"Alright then," Trelawny still seemed to think she was in charge. "Good job everyone! Let's get going then. It's time to – Ooops, Pomona turn your hat so the patch is facing the back!"

Professor Sprout blushed slightly and span the hat a little. She never had time to change it after her usual gardening work.

"Better?" She asked. Sybil shook her head and put her hands on her hips.

"No good, there's another patch on that side!"

"Oh, does it really matter?" Charity interjected. "Let's get on with it!"

Pomona nodded. "Sorry Charity, I do hope it doesn't look too scruffy." She pushed her hair anxiously back, but before Trelawny could get back in place she noticed something else.

"Did you come straight from the gardens? You have dirt on your nose!" Sprout was now very red in the face and she wiped at her nose with her sleeve.

"Is that better?" She asked. Trelawny put her head to one side, looking seriously at her college.

"No, not really. You should – "

"Can't we get this photo taken?" Professor Burbage looked ready to burst "I've been here half the day it seems, and still we haven't gotten this done! Just clam down and let's hurry things up!"

"Coming from the very essence of calm..." Snape muttered. They ignored him.

"If it isn't too much trouble I might change my hat and wash my face, I shan't be long I promise!" Charity looked as if she'd punch something as Pomona left the room, rubbing self-consciously at her face.

"Pomona!" Albus tried to call to her from the door "Just use the Floo-" but it was too late, she was gone.

Professor Sprout didn't take long to find her only un-patched hat and to clean of the dirt with a quick "Scourgify_**". **_Soon she had locked her office door and was heading back across the grounds and away from the greenhouses.

"Professor Sprout!" Neville Longbottom called. She turned with a suppressed sigh to face him. Neville was running across the grass towards her.

"Professor thank goodness I've found you! I need to get into greenhouse four, if that's okay... My Mimbulus mimbletonia needs more compost and I was hoping to get some advice about something, it you don't mind..."

"Sorry Neville, I don't have the time now, but I'll be back very soon, and if you need some compost I'd use the new bags from Assyria. They're a very good match for the Mimbulus mimbletonia. You can take the keys and go ahead, keep away from the left side of the room okay. Try not to knock anything over."

She reached into her pockets and withdrew her keys. It took her a few seconds to find the right one and then, with a glance at her pocket watch thrust the keys at a bemused Neville.

This was not a good move. Neville almost dropped the keys and caught them at the last minute by pressing them against the Mimbulus mimbletonia. Unfortunately they managed to puncture one of the boils on the plant's surface. Predicably Stinksap exploded everywhere.

The pair stood in stunned silence for a while, blinking at each other. Then Pomona broke the silence with a loud groan.

"Oh, sorry Professor, I didn't mean to-"

"It's alright Neville," She sighed. "You head back and get cleaned up. I'll take your plant to the greenhouse and you can come by later."

He nodded, handed it over and, bright red, tried to apologise again. She waved him away and carried the plant warily to the greenhouse. The door took a few tries to unlock with her slippery hands. She finally did and pretty much dumped the plant in the corner, unlike her usual, careful self.

"Professor, are you alright?"

The startled voice belonged to Hannah Abbot who was just returning, it seemed, from the private out-of-class student plots in the gardens.

"Yes dear, I'm okay. It was just a bit of stinksap,"

"Oh," she spotted the plant. "Is that Neville's? He's taken very good care of it hasn't he? The stinksap's pretty good quality, we harvested it properly before and even Professor Snape agreed it was good enough to use in potions! He said it sort of meanly though, poor Neville! I don't think Professor Snape likes him much; he's rather cruel to him. Was Neville just here then? I thought he might have come to the gardens to see us and join in with..."

Pomona had stopped listening. She was usually very attentive to her students, like a kind old aunt, or even a mother hen with her little chicks. She loved being their head of house and tried to develop a bond with all her Hufflepuffs. They loved her for it. It made Hogwarts even more like a second home. This time, however she was in a bit of a rush.

As Hannah went on talking about Neville Pomona simply began to siphon off the Stinksap as thoroughly as she could. She didn't even have time to speculate on her new theory that Hannah was developing a bit of a thing for Neville. Finally she deemed herself clean enough and straightened up for her examination of her robes.

"...So I was thinking I'd go and borrow his book, maybe then I could ask him to come down to the gardens. Do you think he'll be in the common room? I never know where to find him otherwise..."

"Sorry dear," Sprout said "but I really have to be going, the staff will be waiting for me. If you want we can have a little talk later. I'll be in the common room tonight for our usual Hufflepuff Saturday supper. Chocolate chip cookies this time,"

Hannah grinned; she loved the special Saturday nights her head of house organised for them "Alright then. I'll see you later. I've got to go and find Neville now anyway. Bye!"

Pomona hastened back to the castle, hoping she wouldn't be too late.

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Did you like it, in answer to a review Hagrid part won't come for a while! Next is Professor Vector, Arithmancy teacher. I don't know much about him so I hope I write him okay...


	4. Vector

Here's chapter four- the quickest I've ever updated! Yay! As promised, it's Professor Vector, who teaches Arithmancy. I have made up a bit because we never hear much about him.

**Disclaimer: None of these guys belong to me!**

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Albus swung the door shut after calling after Pomona.

"Don't look like that!" He told his glum staff "She won't be long, Pomona's a sensible woman, I can't think what would delay her!"

They look unconvinced. Although a more adept description for Charity's face would be stormy, or furious, or- or – Dumbledore quickly went to sit between her and Snape before the latter could say something that would push her over the edge.

Snape could quite plainly see what he was trying to do, and didn't seem happy about it. He wasn't going to pick a fight with Albus though, so he settled for glaring at a Minerva, who seemed to find his current seating arrangement amusing.

Then there was a timid rap on the door. It was obviously a student, and before anyone could step in Snape had flung oped the door, ready to take out some of his frustration on whoever it was.

"Miss Granger," He said icily "You're interrupting us, a couple of points from Gryffindor!"

There was a pause, during which Minerva looked as though she was ready to shout at him. Snape spoke first, sensing the growing tension in the air behind him.

"_Well_... What do you want?" He spat. Hermione drew herself up to her full height, determined not to be intimidated.

"I need to speak with Professor Vector, please." Snape sighed dramatically.

"I'm afraid he is busy right now and-"

"No, it's fine, I can have a quick chat with her and then I'll be back." Vector interrupted. Charity stood up and tried to block his path.

"No way! We need to get this finished!"

"And it will be! I'll be back before Pomona." He promised. Hermione looked a little lost and awkward as the rest of the teachers put in their own protests.

"You won't be long, will you Hermione?" Albus asked. Hermione jumped; clearly she hadn't expected to be addressed.

"N-No. I just need a bit of help."

"See," Vector smiled. "I won't be a moment everyone. Come on then Miss Granger, ask away!" He slipped out and shut the door on Charity's face.

Most of the staff slumped back into their seats. Snape smirked at Minerva, who was giving him her "disapproving teacher" look.

"What's that matter Minerva?" He asked with mock innocence. Professor McGonagall needed no more encouragement.

"Why on earth did you deduct points from her?" She hissed, pressing her mouth into a thin line as she waited for an answer.

"She was interrupting the staff photos!" Snape managed to sound slightly scandalised despite his obvious glee at teasing Minerva.

"You had no right to do that then! She hardly did anything wrong – in fact she _didn't_ do anything wrong!"

"Minerva I am fast getting tired of you trying to change my disciplinary techniques. Let me keep my own opinions and stop forcing yours upon me." Minerva bristled. Suddenly Albus seemed to decide this was the right time to intercede. No one else seemed about to, for this was better entertainment then waiting around longer.

"Minerva, it's okay. I plan to have a chat with Severus later anyway." The potions master's look went from smug superiority to dread so fast that a few people laughed aloud. He shot them death stares, but accepted defeat and swept back into his seat.

Many tedious minutes later then sound of Charity's grumbling was broken by a panting, red checked Pomona swinging open the door.

"Sorry I'm – late – Neville Longbottom – Stinksap everywhere – couldn't get back until – clean."

"Would you like a drink Pomona?" Albus asked kindly, filling a glass from the bench top at the end of the room.

"Yes – thank you – Sorry"

She took the glass and drained it. Charity gritted her teeth and asked in a dangerous voice "And did you see our _dear_ Professor vector in the hallway."

"Why, no, I didn't. Was he – out there?"

"Yes, He was supposed to be! He was talking to Miss Granger, are you sure you didn't see him?"

"Quite sure. I would have noticed – I thought you were all – waiting in here – for me."

"It's okay. I'll go and fetch him." Albus assured them all and he slipped out into the hallway, just missing the start of Snape's next snarky comment.

He hummed softly to himself as he strolled down the hall. They would most likely be inside the arithmancy classroom. As soon as he arrived he was quite certain. Both of their voices, in very enthusiastic tones, travelled down the corridor. Albus pushed oped the door.

Professor Vector was pointing in earnest at the chalkboard. It was covered in fresh scrawling. Hermione sat before him with a notebook open on her lap, nodding vigorously.

"... So then we add number seven into here and it really brings it all down to a simple strategy. I'm sure you can see how it's done!"

"Oh, yes, the end part doesn't seem so hard." She took the chalk and squeezed her own jottings onto the limited space to the left of a little table.

"When I saw the theory, I wanted to try something like this out." She found some more space and began to write, pointing to each part to illustrate her point. Vector nodded, beaming.

"Brilliant, that is a widely used technique that I wasn't planning on teaching for another year at least. You seem well ahead of your age Miss Granger! I'd say-"

Dumbledore cleared his throat, smiling.

"I can see this is a very engaging conversation, but I am afraid we need you in the staff room right now." Vector jumped slightly and looked around.

"Sorry Professor!" Hermione squeaked "I didn't mean to keep him!"

"That's all right my dear." Dumbledore smiled as Vector handed Hermione the chalk and said "I'm sure you'll be able to carry on by yourself Miss Granger."

Hermione took the chalk, looking pleased at the compliment, and continued straight away. Vector joined Albus and they set off.

"Sorry," He told the Headmaster "You know how I get caught up in these things."

Dumbledore turned his twinkling eyes on him "It's alright." He paused "Though I'm afraid the other staff might not quite agree..."

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Next is Madame Pince, Librarian... please review!


	5. Pince

Here's chapter 5. There will be lots more to come. It's Madam Pince. Sorry to involve Snape again, I couldn't resist.

**Disclaimer: Not mine, any of it, have you got it?**

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"You seem a little out of breath Pomona. Did you really _run_ all the way here?" Snape asked as soon as Dumbledore was gone.

"Severus," Minerva was outraged "You can't just say things like that!"

"Minerva it's fine-" Pomona tried to say. They weren't listening to her.

"Why can't I Minerva? It was just a simple question." Snape asked, one eyebrow raised.

"Because it wasn't the question, it was what you implied by it!"

"What did I _imply _then?"

"Well," Her argument seemed to die slightly "You – you just seemed like you were – were saying Pomona was – well you seemed to be trying to say – You acted like it-" she cut off, casting a sidelong glace at Professor Sprout, who was beaming, obviously finding her embarrassment amusing.

"As if she were, not very fit or – or something." She finished, blushing. Then she turned to Pomona "It's not that I-"

"Don't worry about it Minerva, I do have a fondness for chocolate." She winked at her fellow college, who smiled faintly.

The staff, sensing the argument wasn't about to happened all got out their books, papers to grade, and various other things and prepared for the wait.

Severus yawned widely, the longer the photos were delayed the better it was for him! He was hoping they'd be called off in the end. Then he'd have another chance to weasel out of them next time they were scheduled.

He pulled out his new potions book and began to scribble a few more notes in the margin. It was a habit he'd had since his school days.

On the other side of the staff room Madam Pince, school librarian was looking out the window at a group of students pouring over a book in the courtyard. She studied it frantically, because if it was a school book they'd be in deep trouble! They had set it on the wet table top and were pawing at it with fingers that were bound to be covered in something sticky. She shuddered and turned away from the window, knowing she would have no chance to go out now, not with Charity Burbage standing by the door looking murderous.

As she turned to face the staff room her eyes instantly zoned in on Severus Snape. She was across the room in an instant.

"_What," _she hissed "Are you _doing_ to that book?"

Snape looked up in surprise and saw her eyes popping with fury.

"I'm, quite obviously, _writing_ in it." He said, as if she were stupid.

Suddenly she had snatched the book from his hands. Turning the pages in a kind of crazed fury she didn't notice the other staff staring at her. Snape wouldn't stand for this. They were all watching him being outdone by a librarian.

"Give it back." He snapped, trying to pull it from her grasp. She held on, hands like claws.

"Befouled..." She muttered, it was barely more than a whisper, but grew louder each second "Befouled, damaged beyond repair, _Despoiled! Desecrated..."_

She began to screech, looking rather deranged and tugging at the book.

"It's just a book I've written in!" Severus held on as well and was shocked at her strength. Minerva finally stood and put a gentle hand on Pince's shoulder.

"Irma, leave him. It's not even one of your books." She said firmly. The librarian ignored her, yanking still harder on the book. Even Snape was too bemused to say anything else.

Suddenly something happened that surprised them all. Filch, who, like Hagrid often went quiet when the staff were arguing, for he felt he was a bit beneath their station and preferred to stay respectfully silent stepped forward.

"Irma," He said firmly, looking right at her and adjusting his hold on Mrs Norris, whom he'd spent the whole time whispering to. "Give him the book, it's not worth it."

There was a long and stunned silence and then Madam Pince slowly relinquished the book.

Snape snatched it back to his own possession once again. He looked as if he were nursing it, the way he held it to his chest. Flitwick gave a squeaky laugh, effectively releasing the tension.

Madame Pince looked annoyed at herself for giving up, glared at Filch for making her and settled back into another seat.

Filch, oblivious to the stares he was getting went back to him own corner and kept muttering to Mrs Norris, who began to pur loudly.

"What's wrong with you, woman?" Severus hissed at Irma.

"Severus!" Minerva snapped again. "You're in such a bad mood today!"

"Oh, am I? You should take a good look at Charity then because-"

"A good look at _me?" _Charity screeched.

"That's what I said." Snape rolled his eyes.

The door opened just in time for Albus to see the Muggle studies professor launch her self across the room and hiss "Care to explain just what you mean by that you snarky, arrogant little-"

"Oh dear," Albus sighed.

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If you're wondering why Filch was the one who stopped her, it's because I decided to play on that time when Harry says to Hermione that he thinks she likes him!

There, please review. I want to thank some people this time.

Dragon MoonX who has been following the story right through, and also Analie209 for her support with all of my stories. Thanks guys!


	6. Sinistra

Here's chapter six, Sinistra... Charity next!

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of these amazing staff, which would improve any school, just by being there...sigh. This whole world is J. K. Rowlings**

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"- slime ball!" Charity finished.

"Oh good you're back," Severus said, ignoring the woman overshadowing him. He snapped his book shut, laid it on the table and stood, sending her off balance. Professor Burbage just caught herself in time, landing on Flitwick so that he toppled instead.

"Everyone in your places, I want to get this done quickly now that we're all here!" Albus said.

They hurried over, smoothed out their robes and where ready for Albus to wave his wand and make the camera take a photo.

"Oh dear," He said instead, for what seemed to him the millionth time that day "Where has Professor Sinistra gone?"

There was a collective sigh.

"But she never left!" Charity yelled, loosing it "Where are you?"

She threw her hands up in the air "If I someone doesn't find her soon I swear I'll-"

"Shhh," Interrupted Flitwick. "Do you all hear that?" There was a pause.

"Filius, I can't hear a thing and-"

"Shhhhh," Everyone hissed at Charity. She folded her arms like a sulky child and glared at them.

"I do!" Pomona suddenly said. There was another pause, during which everyone slowly gave their own agreement. There was defiantly a noise.

"I think it's coming from that chair." Flitwick pointed to a chair at the far end of the room which was facing the back wall.

Slowly the staff began to move towards it.

"Hey!" Said Vector suddenly "I know that sound! Someone's snoring!"

"Snoring?" Snape said incredulously "Yes, that makes so much sense, because we always find people snoring in the staff room!"

Flitwick rolled his eyes and turned the chair around.

There was Professor Sinistra, fast asleep and, sure enough...snoring.

"I told you s-"

"Shut up." Snapped Snape before he could finish, looking thoroughly foul tempered.

Albus put a hand on his shoulder.

"Calm down Severus," He said. Snape fell into a stony silence and glared at anyone who dared to make eye-contact.

"Well, how on earth did she fall asleep?" Asked Pomona, looking at her.

"She _is_ the astronomy Professor." Minerva said. "She is up every night with each year group after all. I think she usually takes an afternoon sleep, but we've been hindering that, taking so long to get ready and get the photo over and done with." She glared around at them all.

"That's not what I meant," Pomona said gently. "I just wondered how she could have slept through all the ruckus we were making!" There was a pause, and then someone laughed. It wasn't long before Minerva's stern face had relaxed into a smile.

"Well, we'd better wake her up."

"How?" Asked Flitwick, looking baffled.

"Just, someone give her a shake." Minerva said uncertainly.

"A-Aurora," Flitwick nervously shook her arm, as though he was half-afraid to wake her up.

"Oh, for goodness sake!" Snape snapped, lurching forward e gave her a rough shake. "Wake up you starry eyed twit!"

Sinistra turned over in bed as Minerva's hand clamped around Snape's and she pulled him away.

"What on earth are you trying to do? You could seriously hurt her that way!" Snape tugged his hand out of her grip.

"Sure, you try to wake her up then." He snapped. Flitwick had resumed his gentle shaking. There was a pause. Albus stepped through them all.

"Here, allow me Filius." He pressed his wand to Sinistra's chest and, using a skilled non-verbal spell, he woke her. Aurora stretched as her eyelid fluttered open.

"Oh," she gasped suddenly "Don't tell me I-" She trailed of, turning bright red. "I can't have... s-sorry."

"Snoring very loudly too, and delaying us further," Snape's face was fixed with a nasty sneer.

"S-sorry," She repeated. Pomona smiled at her while Minerva shot Snape her best death glare.

"It's all right, so long as we get going now." Pomona said.

They all began to go back to their places when suddenly.

"Professor Dumbledore sir," Hagrid said "Charity jus' slipped ou'."

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Please review, I hope to be quicker with the next update!


	7. Burbage

_Finally _chapter seven. I am really sorry for the delay... very busy week!

Anway, it's Charity... poor Charity.

I have decided it is set in book three, PoA, so that the defense against the dark arts teacher can be absent.

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine!**

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"Why on earth didn't you tell us before then Hagrid?" Dumbledore asked.

"Well, I didn' want ter interrupt." Hagrid looked slightly abashed.

"Well we're going to be even more greatly interrupted now aren't we?" Snape spat. Hagrid looked a little shocked.

"Oh, I suppose yer righ'" Snape rolled his eyes. Most of the teachers began to grumble loudly.

"I'm sorry," Hagrid said.

"Don't worry Hagrid," Dumbledore assured him "Me and Minerva will go and fetch Charity."

"Why me..." Minerva mumbled faintly, but she went after him anyway. Everyone else looked revealed that they hadn't been chosen.

"It'll just be a mere moment!" Flitwick said, trying to be cheerful. He got a few withering looks.

Minerva raised her eyebrows at Albus as he paused outside Charity's office door. He smiled at her before opening the door.

Charity looked up over four huge stacks of essays, saw them, and folded her arms.

"I'm not coming back." She stated, her jaw set stubbornly. The two in the doorway weren't even looking at her though.

"How much homework did you set for your classes?" Minerva finally choked out.

"What?" Charity looked slightly confused that they weren't trying to get her out. Then she saw Minerva gesture to all of the paper on her desk.

"Oh, oh that..." she looked a little stunned herself as she looked over all the work she had. Then her head snapped up and she went back into defensive mode.

"You see? I can't and won't go with you!" She glared at them as if daring them to contradict her. "I have work to do!"

She yanked the nearest essay in front of her a picked up a quill. Then, with feverish energy she tried to ignore them and began to mark it.

"Charity," Minerva began. "You need to come down with us now. I can see you have a lot of work, but if you just save it until afterwards,"

"Save it?" She laughed. "Twenty inch essay! All of my year threes have a twenty inch essay!"

"Yes, I can see that but-"

"I can't wait any longer. I have to mark all of it!" Charity snapped. Albus stepped around the desk.

"Give that to me, and you can come back later." He told her, hand held out.

"No!" She screeched. "I have- too much to- mark-" Her eyes were glinting manically.

"You can mark that all later." Minerva told her.

"No! Not enough time! You all take so _long!_ Three foot! Three foot essays from all of my fifth years!"

"Yes and there'll be plenty of time too-" But Charity didn't let McGonagall finish.

"There won't be any time by the time you're all done mucking around!"

"It's just a bit of marking." She tried to sooth. "You can wait another day."

"A bit?" She jabbed her finger at McGonagall.

"You wouldn't know half of it! You with all your stupid practical work! I need to finish this! And Remus is out because of full moon, and Rolanda is at a Quidditch conference and little-miss-Ancient-Runes" Her tone had become slightly mocking. "Gets to go to St Mungo's because of her sick mother... and they all get to miss out! It isn't fair at-"

"Charity," Albus interrupted, speaking softly, as if to a misbehaving child. "How much sleep have you gotten the last few days?"

"S- Sleep?" She looked a little shocked at this question. "I don't know."

"How much work have you given yourself?" He added. Charity's eyes roved over the stacks of essays and charts on her desk.

"I guess, quite a bit – But – but O.W.L's, N.E.W.T's They need to be prepared." She said, seeming unsure.

"They do need to be prepared, but you don't need to over-work yourself." Minerva told her, carefully pulling the essay she'd been working on away.

"You must have a paper for every single kid in _all_ of your classes here."

Charity blushed. "I – I do." She admitted.

Dumbledore had gone to the window. He leant out and accioed something. The other two exchanged curious looks as he caught a small bottle and came back inside.

"Drink this." He told Charity, holding it out. She looked at it suspiciously.

"Anti-stress," he encouraged. She blinked, then reached for it, still moving crazily fast.

She downed the whole bottle in one gulp. Minerva looked a little worried, but then she saw Albus' calm face, and smiled nervously at him. Charity set the little bottle on the table and took a deep breath. Slowly her eyes seemed to get less glazed. She looked at the mountains of paper and her mouth popped open in a little "o".

"That's a lot..." She whispered. "I can't believe I..." She trailed off again. Minerva smiled.

"You were just stressed. It often gets like this at this time of year."

Charity nodded meekly.

"Sorry," She said pleadingly. "I didn't realise I was being that bad."

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Please review, I hope to be writing a little faster now... hopefully...


	8. Flitwick

Here we are... chapter eight and it's Flitwick's turn. Next up will be Poppy Pomfrey. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter is all J. K. Rowlings!**

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The trio walked back to the staff room as fast as they cold. Hopefully now they'd be able to take the photo.

Charity paused, looking scared for a moment, before opening the door.

"Finally!" said Snape. "What was the problem?"

"Charity was just a little stressed. It should be fine now, thanks to your potion." Minerva tried to assure him.

Snape's eye twitched. He had hoped to delay the staff meeting until it was cancelled, while pretending to be on their side, not speed things up even more. He gritted his teeth.

Charity didn't miss the annoyed expression.

"Don't think I'm worthy wasting your potions on do you Severus?" She asked, easily slipping back into teasing mode now that she was feeling calmer.

"For your information I was merely hoping we could get this over and done with... no thanks to you!" He snapped, hoping to start a fight.

He hadn't accounted for just how good his potion making skills were. There was no way Charity would get het up with such a perfect claming solution still at work inside her.

Instead she laughed, making Snape snort.

"I see I've made a mistake in the potion, surely it was a maddening draught because I don't see what's so _funny_!" He growled, sneer even more pronounced.

Flitwick, standing on the chair behind him so that he was a similar height decided to interrupt.

"Severus really, just calm down and we can get this finished soon."

"Don't," He yelled, whirling around. "Tell me what to do!"

Flitwick couldn't help it. Balanced as precariously as he was he toppled backwards and smacked onto the window sill. In his shock he rolled to the wrong side, partly a natural instinct to escape Snape.

The staff all gasped as Flitwick fell right out of the window.

"Filius!" Came the collective yell.

"Quick, into the courtyard, thank goodness we're only on the ground floor!" Minerva led them out of the staff room and into the hallway.

As they began to rush down the hall there was a loud sound from the courtyard.

"Is that Professor Flitwick?" a student said. The murmurings grew louder.

Then a first year Ravenclaw screamed.

Bursting into the courtyard Minerva yelled.

"Out of the way please, keep calm."

Madame Pomfrey was right behind her, shaking her head and muttering about Severus and his lack of thought.

The crowd of students parted to let the teachers through. Charity put an arm around the panicking first year and tried to sooth her.

"It'll be okay," she mumbled. "Nothing to worry about,"

"Away you go!" Minerva said in a commanding voice to the waiting students. "There's nothing you need to see."

They went to the opposite sides of the courtyard, but they didn't take their eyes off the scene.

"Personally," Began Snape. "I don't see how this is so very-"

"Shut it Severus, the kids are still watching." Hissed Pomona in an undertone. "We don't want to upset them."

"Sure we don't..." He said, but was silent under Albus' watchful eye.

"Don't worry," Pomfrey said to the nearby teachers. "He's merely been knocked out."

Minerva repeated the message to everyone and the looked decidedly more calm. The little sobbing girl in Charity's arms quietened a bit as well. Charity led her over to her friends, where she was hugged and assured it would be fine.

"Well, Poppy, what do you think?" Minerva asked.

"We'll have to take him up to the hospital wing. It would be better not to wake him until we're there. We'll need to levitate him to take him there."

She did the honour, watching over him with a slight frown at every jolt. Finally they got there and laid him on one of the beds.

"Somebody revive him while I go and get some medical supplies." She left, muttering a list of things she'd need under her breath.

Albus turned to Filius.

"Ennervate," he said clearly.

Filius Flitwick felt a throbbing in his head. As he opened his eyes he could see the blurred shapes of several figures standing over him.

"Huh..." He groaned, trying to make his eyes focus.

"Filius, goo of you to join us," Snape sneered down at him.

"Oh, shut up Severus, you're the one who made him fall out of the window in the first place!" Minerva snapped. Snape just rolled his eyes and folded his arms in annoyance.

Filius took a second to get what she meant. His eyes managed to open and he found himself looking at the strangest assortment of expressions he'd seen in a group, ranging from shock to sulkiness. He laughed.

Unfortunately for everyone else Poppy Pomfrey had just returned.

"Don't make him laugh!" she snapped. "We have no idea what he hurt when he fell!"

Filius smiled.

"I feel fine Poppy!" He told her. She ignored him.

"Take this potion and we'll see." She gave it to him and watched sternly until he'd downed the whole thing.

"What's it for?" He asked afterwards.

"It should get rid of any bruises and sore muscles." She told him.

"Can't you do that by wand?" Pomona asked, a little confused.

"Yes, but then he'd have to remove his robes so I could see what I'm doing." By this point she was bright red in the face. "I'm pretty sure he wouldn't like that."

"Oh," she was pretty embarrassed too.

"Well then, if that's sorted." Filius tried to ignore his own bright cheeks. "Let's get going.


	9. Pomfrey

Here's chapter nine, Madam Pomfrey's turn. In the books she always seems to take her healing job very seriously, what with her "no visitors" rule. So that is the problem this time. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter!**

* * *

"Let's get going?" Madame Pomfrey repeated, staring at Flitwick as if he was mad to have said it.

"Yes," They were looking at her oddly, except for Charity, who had wondered to the window and was looking out at the clouds.

"No!" She told them, stepping up to the bed and touching her wand to Flitwick's forehead.

"Absolutely not!" She reinforced.

"Poppy," Albus began. "We have a photo to take."

"He can't leave the hospital wing!" She sounded shocked at the suggestion.

"I'm fine though Poppy," Flitwick tried to swing his legs out of bed.

Madame Pomfrey had a hand on his shoulder at once. She pushed him back into his pillows with a glare.

"You aren't well enough Filius." She told him.

"I am, really, I can't even feel my-"

Poppy listened with a raised eyebrow, she didn't let him finish. She nudged his right side and Flitwick gasped, moving instinctively away.

"You were saying?" She asked. Snape snorted.

As the staff turned their expressions to him he laughed louder.

"Look at you all, being outsmarted by the matron!" He chuckled again.

"What," Pomfrey turned to him "Does that mean?"

"Well," Snape spoke carefully, as if to a particularly slow child. "You aren't exactly a teacher, are you?"

"I seem to recall you had no problem with me in your school days, when I was just new to the job. In fact, didn't you come to me, very sick and end up telling me I was truly brilliant?"

"No," He said coldly.

"It was right after you woke in the middle of the night, crying with a bad dream." Snape shut right up at this, staring out the same window as Charity and sulking.

Poppy gave a satisfied smile and turned back to the bed, noticing the other grins of appreciation.

"So, as I was saying. I'm the school nurse, and I have ruled that Filius shall not leave until he is fully healed."

"Poppy, please. Filius can make it for one photo, and then come back." Minerva pleaded.

"Oh no you don't. He needs it just as much as any student. We need to make sure he isn't in shock before we let him go anywhere, and then there's the matter of-"

"I assure you I'm not in shock." Flitwick tried to speak over her.

"Filius," How was it that she managed to sound both stern and gentle at the same time? "You are a very small man; you won't take the fall from a window as well as some people might."

Flitwick looked offended.

"Just because I am a little short, it doesn't mean I can't withstand a small topple as well as anyone else. I'll have you know-"

Snape saw his chance.

"There's no use denying it Filius, we all know you can be a little _delicate" _He put careful stress on the word. Filius puffed with indignation. Poppy, spotting a fight, interrupted.

"No, don't get het up, absolutely not! You need to calm down, and try and get some rest. We'll leave you for now and start the photos again tomorrow."

"No Poppy, we can't stop now. Then we'd just have to go through all of this again tomorrow." Sinistra piped up.

"I don't care. I will not let you put Filius' health at risk. If there's one thing I'm not, it's a quitter. Every patient I've ever had has recovered in some way!" She snapped back.

Albus Dumbledore had been watching the bickering, hoping they could sort things out for themselves. He was sorry to admit that they probably couldn't. They seemed to be very good at winding themselves into endless bickering circles. Finally he decided it was time to interrupt.

"Poppy, we do have to do this today. It's the only time we could schedule. Filius will be fine, I'm sure." He said, kindly.

Poppy whirled to face him, knowing she needed the headmaster on her side.

"But Albus, he'll only worsen the longer we leave him." She sounded like she was begging.

"Poppy, I think you're underestimating Filius." He told her.

"Just think of it in medical terms. If someone his size, a mere child," Albus had to raise a hand to stop Flitwick objecting to this description. "Had suffered the same injuries, they would take a lot longer to recover then this."

"What about someone of his age?" Albus questioned.

"Well..." she seemed reluctant to tell "They would probably be okay by now,"

Albus nodded.

"Then may we please see if he's up to it?"

Poppy looked very reluctant, she looked for a long time into Albus' eyes, as if pleading with him. Finally she sighed, turned around.

"If you feel dizzy," She snapped "Lie right back down!"

Filius rolled his eyes, swung off the bed and sprung to his feet.

"See!" He smiled, "I'm fine. I'm used to small falls, that's what I was trying to tell you. Balancing on piles of books isn't always the most stable way to stand."

Poppy looked disgruntled.

"Let's go then!"

* * *

Please review.

I also want to thank Dragon MoonX, Rose Weasley is AWESOME and Analie Janes for all their support!

Oh yeah, and Hagrid's next!


	10. Hagrid

At last heres chapter 10... sorry it's taken so long!

It's Hagrid... next will be Filch... hee hee!

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter books are J. K. Rowling's**

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As they made their way back to the staff room Snape was a panicking.

He had to do something. In a second the old man would make them take their places and subject Snape to the photo. He suddenly noticed Hagrid, who was wearing his furry suit for the occasion, and an idea struck him.

"Where's your tie Hagrid?" He asked in a low voice, sidling up to him.

The half-giant looked a little confused.

"Don't you usually wear a tie with that suit?" Snape prompted.

"Oh, I didn' think I'd need it now." Hagrid seemed unsure all of a sudden. "Do you think the occasion calls for it?"

"I think so Hagrid. I'm wearing my dress robes after all." This was entirely untrue, but as Snape owned only deep black, floor length robes, Hagrid couldn't tell.

Snape fell back and let Hagrid muse on his own. His plan worked. When they entered the staff room Hagrid coughed to get their attention and said. "Hold on."

He then went to the corner, to many sighs of annoyance and out-loud protests.

"Hagrid, can't it wait?" Dumbledore asked.

"I 'ave to look my best don' I?" Hagrid responded. He pulled out his usual many-pocketed jacket and grinned broadly.

"Hagrid, what do you mean?" Minerva asked, confused. Hagrid just began to rummage in the first pocket, mumbling.

"I know it's here somewhere..."

He began to pull things out of his coat. First there was a copper kettle, a few tea bags, a half-eaten rock cake and a ball of yarn. Then Hagrid suddenly shook his head.

"Nope, s'not in there!" He muttered, shaking his shaggy head.

"Hagrid please!" McGonagall didn't sound very patient. "What are you trying to find?"

"Me tie, Professor." He told her, pulling out a jar of goop and a tablecloth sized handkerchief.

"You don't need a tie!" she cried, throwing her hands in the air in exasperation.

"o' course I do, I don' want ter be spoilin' yer photo." He seemed to be trying to placate her, it had the opposite effect.

"Hagrid, forget it!" Flitwick squeaked.

"No need ter be so kind, I know I'll look a righ' mess withou' it."

"I'm sure you'll be-"

"Here it is!" He called, digging his hand in deeper then ever, and cutting off Mc Gonagall.

Hagrid pulled out... a patchwork quilt.

"Oh, righ' they feel the same, you know"

"Hagrid, if there were some way to make this faster..." Began Sprout, hinting heavily.

"Oh, I know jus' where it is now!" He moved to an entirely different pocket and withdrew a handful of seeds.

"Oh, I forgo' I had these!" He exclaimed.

"What are they Hagrid?" Asked Sprout, curiosity sparked despite herself.

"Jus' some little cherry tree seeds. The bloke a' the-" he faltered "Shop said they grow very fas'"

"What do you mean 'very fast'?"

"I'll show you," He said "Stand back!"

"Hagrid, no!" Yelled the whole room of people.

It was too late; Hagrid threw the seed to the ground and beamed in anticipation. Slowly everyone stopped cringing and stared at the seed, which had done nothing.

"Well," Snape sneered, "That was anti-climatic."

He stepped up to smirk at the tiny seed when there was a rushing sound and it exploded.

Suddenly a whole Cherry tree stood, touching the roof of the staff room. There was a seconds pause and then.

"Get me down." Snape's voice said, sounding a little alarmed. "Get me out of this tree!"

There were a few sniggers.

There, suspended by the back of his robes, hung Severus Snape. His wand lay, useless on the ground. He squirmed in his place, trying to reach around and unhook his collar.

All he succeeded in doing was making himself spin in a circle and look very foolish.

"Help me!" He snapped.

Dumbledore, who had watched the events with an amused twinkle in his eyes, stepped forward and gently levitated Snape down to the floor.

"Thanks," He was none too gracious, wanking his wand from where it lay he set about polishing it's already smooth surface on his robes.

The rest of the staff managed to smother their laughter and move out of his way. Leaving him to sulk in the corner they considered the tree.

"I think," said Sprout after a while, "It may be a simple spell."

She tapped the roots with her wand a few times and beamed.

"Oh, I don't know where you buy your seeds Hagrid," he turned a little red at this "But they aren't very well charmed. It should only need a simple reducto."

"Well, in that case- Reducto!" Minerva gave a swish of her wand and the tree shrunk.

"Isn't it sweet?" Dumbledore picked up the tiny tree between his finger and thumb. "You don't mind Hagrid?"

The half-giant shook his head and let Dumbledore pocket the tiny cherry tree.

"I foun' it!" He suddenly cried. Hagrid fastened the tie happily around his neck. "All righ' let's go then!"

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Thanks to Analie Janes, Rose Weasley is AWESOME, Drangon MoonX and SuddenPsychsis!

Oh, and P.S I really, _really_ like reviews (hint, hint)


	11. Filch

Here it is. I'm sorry that there was such a big delay, but I haven't forgotten these staff photos need to be taken!

I'm pretty sure this will actually be one of the last chapters, mabye only a couple more, or three if I need a good round off. Everyone has had a chapter for their delay.

**Disclaimer: You've heard it all before, I don't own Harry Potter!**

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"Hurry up!" Flitwick snapped at Snape, who had chosen to dawdle.

"Severus..." Dumbledore's voice was serious and Snape sulked as he came to his place when- BANG! – There was a short pause, during which Snape looked positively gleeful.

"Peeves!" Snarled Filch as a loud cackle echoed over head.

"Grab him, someone!" Yelled Minerva in exasperation as Filch made for the door. Trelawny tripped on her shawl, taking out Sprout as the Head of Hufflepuff came within inches of seizing Filch's robes.

"Argus!" called Minerva, but the old caretaker had hobbled out of sight, possibly down one of the passageways and sneaky short-cuts he knew so well.

"Oh dear," Snape sighed, a look of false sadness on his face. "Peeves sure has awful timing."

"What?" Minerva hissed, as they followed Dumbledore out of the room. "Is that cryptic remark supposed to mean?"

Snape looked at her with his eyes as wide and innocent as he could make them. He obviously didn't really expect it to work. He just wanted to tease her further.

"Severus, don't tell me you've been _trying _to delay us."

"I don't know what you mean Minerva." He smirked at her growing indignation.

"You could try to be a little more grown up. Honestly, you're thirty three." She snarled, and stormed off ahead.

"Albus, as soon as this is done we're getting back on track." She said firmly. "We can't afford to have any more interruptions!"

"Minerva, calm down a little." He said kindly, a twinkle in his eyes "You must admit this will be a valuable memory later."

"I must disagree Albus." She shook her head at her friend's reasoning. Albus had been like this as long as she'd known him. Sometime seeing the good in everyone, and everything, could get tiring.

They came within sight of Filch now. He was jumping up and down and shaking his fist at a gleeful Peeves, who floated above him, blowing a large raspberry and sending spittle flying onto the caretaker's cheeks.

"I'll get you!" Filch yelled, still shaking his fist. Mrs Norris was crouched at his feet, looking around at the approaching staff.

There was crash and Peeves laughed.

"Off go Peevesie's firecrackers... Filchy wilchy's no match for him! Peevesie weeves will always win!" He cackled again and swooped on the furious squib.

Filch turned and screamed insults after him all the way down the corridor, where Peeves swooped over Albus' head a said sweetly.

"Good day Headmaster, Naughty Filchie's been neglecting his duties; look at the state of that classroom, tut, tut, tut," He stuck out his tongue at Filch's red face and was gone.

Albus turned his kind eyes on Filch.

"See Headmaster, see what Peeves has done!" he pointed into the next door classroom. Everyone went forward to look.

There was a huge stain spreading across the floor. It was bright yellow and it took Sinistra only a second to realise what it was.

"That's my paint!" She called in dismay. She'd been using to paint constellations on the tower ceiling just that morning.

"Your paint?" Filch's voice was murderous. "_Your paint_?"

"Now Argus, I'm sure there's no need to get so worked up. We can sort everything out later." Minerva began.

"Later? Later?" (Snape snickered and muttered, "What are you, a mocking bird?")

"I can't go later!" he screeched. A vein on his temple turning a vivid purple and bulging in a way that would have made Vernon Dursley proud. "Headmaster, don't you see now? Peeves has been stealing, he has! And he's been stealing from teachers no less!"

Albus looked at him calmly, waiting for the brief fit of temper to blow over.

"We need him out of the school! This is beyond what we've seen, and the proof is here, right before your eyes!" Sinistra looked shocked. She evidently decided she'd try and solve the problem.

"Argus, it really doesn't matter. A simple spell could get that paint cleaned up, and with the right spell I'll be able to re-use it."

"The right," Argus echoed, spluttering. "The right _spell!" _

Sinistra looked terrified. Filch looked on the verge of a fit.

"Well, I suppose you can just clean things up with your _spells _then! I have more important thing to do! I need to right a report for this new wrongdoing. Evidence against Peeves at last... you just wait..." He was muttering now more then anything.

"Spells and nonsense, that's all it is," He scooped up his cat and murmured in her ear as he stomped down the hallway. It took everyone a while to recover from the shock of the outburst to realise they'd just let him go.

"Oh, no I didn't mean to say that. Was I terribly inconsiderate? I forgot he was a squib, really I did..."

"It's all right Aurora." Albus said. "He'll recover. Meanwhile I suggest that someone goes and gets him back while I stay with our dear astronomy professor and clean up her paint."

Sinistra blushed as he fixed her with his x-raying stare and went straight to the paint staining the floor. The rest of the staff had let out a collective groan as they realised they still needed Filch back.

"Oh, I guess I could do it!" Minerva said sarcastically. "I've been so bored this whole day, nothing to do!"

"How thoughtful of you Minerva!" Snape enthused, enjoying this turn of events. "Off you trot; we'll meet you in the staff room."

She shot him the look she often used as a teacher, annoyed to see how little effect it had on Snape now.

"Argus!" She yelled as she finally reached his office door. "We need you right now. You can write up a report later when we've-"

She cut off as she swung open the door and saw him. Filch's face was buried in Mrs Norris as he found comfort in her purrs and mews.

"Oh, Argus," Minerva said, her face softening ever-so-slightly.

"What?" He snapped. "What're you doing down here?"

She recoiled at his furious response. She'd only wanted to help... but this was Filch after all, she couldn't expect him to _want_ her help.

"We need you for the photos. If they're done today you can be free for the year." She said, trying to use her usual tone.

For once, luck seemed to be with her. Filch, in favour of no one finding out her was upset, came out. He knew they'd be suspicious if he stayed holed up in his office all day.

Minerva walked as swiftly as she could down the corridors.

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Yay, and I can't believe I'm so near the end. I hope to be updateing faster now my big English report's out of the way!

Thanks to all my reviewers... Analie Janes, Rose Weasley is AWESOME, Dragon MoonX, Slytherin66 and SuddenPyschosis.


	12. Dumbledore

Another chapter... I know, finally right? I just had a writers block for this fic :( But I'm back and writing again... here's Dumbledore's chapter... and Snape is really getting desperate.

Two chapter's to go guys... although one will be super short okay?

**Disclaimers: I don't own Harry Potter!**

* * *

As soon as she entered the room she noticed the strange amount of feathers floating around.

"What on – oh." She spotted the large, plainly expensive, ministry owl.

The rest of the staff also noticed the change quickly.

"Who let the owl in?" Asked Sinistra.

"Well, yes, of course someone must have let it in, because it couldn't possibly have flown through the open window." Snape sneered. She turned red, but didn't have time to say anything else because Minerva was nudging them all forwards.

"Photo first, owl later!" She said. They seemed to shake themselves and quickly got into place.

"Severus, you too!" But Snape wasn't listening. He was trying to catch the owl, which flapped higher a few times before landing in front of him. Snape read the tag on it's leg.

"Post for you, Headmaster." He said, hoping this could dely them.

"He'll answer it later." Minerva said firmly. Albus nodded and stayed where he was. Jaw clenched Snape walked as slowly as possible to his place.

Luckily for him the owl fluttered right in the shot and hooted in Dumbledore's face.

"Later, later," Albus said to it, gesturing for the owl to move "Get out of the shot."

The owl pecked him, hard, on the nose. Some people gasped in outrage, but Albus stayed calm. He used his wand to repair the damage and gave the owl another stern look.

The owl still wouldn't budge, and seeing the reaction it got from the pecking it went again and again until it was dive bombing the Headmaster.

"Goodness! What can it want?"

"I think," said Albus, covering his head with his arms, but still sounding absurdly cheerful. "It wants me to answer the letter now. It must have instructions from the sender."

Minerva began to protest but Albus said.

"We won't be able to take the photo with the owl bombing me Minerva, and I'll only be a minute."

She pressed her lips together and conceded. The moment to owl was untied from it's letter it watched Albus expectantly, ready to peck if need be. Albus quickly opened it.

"It's from the Ministry, Minerva." He told her. No one else found it odd that he spoke to her alone. "I'll have to answer it, urgent business."

She opened her mouth.

"With Black on the loose we cannot afford to wait." He told her, this time his tone made it final.

He sat at the table in the back, dipping his quill in the ink carefully before starting to write. A very angry Minerva turned on Snape instead.

"And why are you smirking?"

"Who says I'm smirking?" He said innocently.

"Oh, please, you have that Slytherin look all over your face!" She answered.

"A little bit of a _biased_ comment, don't you think?"

"Coming from you..."

"Oh no, it isn't coming from me, it was Filius who said it." He said sarcastically.

"Don't drag me into this." Flitwick squeaked.

"Look, do you even need to argue?" Pomona said, stepping between Filius and Snape before the latter could make another remark.

"Sorry Pomona," Minerva said, looked a little embarrassed with herself. Snape just retreated to the corner.

"Are you finished Albus?" Asked Minerva.

"Just a moment." He said "At least this needed a quick answer; I don't have time to write a real letter."

Minerva sighed, he was always so optimistic. Albus was always telling her she was far too pessimistic, but she knew that there were people far worse then her when it came to being pessimistic, for example there was...

"Severus," She snapped "What are you doing?"

Snape stopped rifling in the drawer of the table where they kept the drinks.

"I'm getting myself a cup of coffee." He said smoothly.

"Again? And that would be what, your fifth cup today?"

"Oh please don't dredge up that old argument." Filius groaned, his eyes pleading with the other two house heads.

Suddenly Severus smiled, actually smiled, although, admittedly it was more of a triumphant smirk, it could have passed as a smile. He lifted up an owl treat from the drawer and held it high. Controlling his expression he asked,

"Why do we have an owl treat in our drawer?" It was obvious he'd already known of it's location and had sought it out.

"I'll get rid of it, shall I?" and he threw it out the open window. The Ministry owl, who had followed the treat with it's eyes ever since it's appearance, swooped off after it.

"Severus!" Yelled almost everyone.

"What? How was I to know the owl would follow the treat?" He defended, smirking broadly now. What a pity, someone will have to go to the owlery and fetch another owl if we want to get that letter to the-"

Before he could say another word the owl collided with the back of his head as it re-entered through the window.

"What on earth are you trying to do you blasted bird?" He yelled, clutching his head and turning to face it.

The owl finished munching the treat as it flew calmly to the table and waited it's letter. Snape continued to mutter to himself as the rest of the staff sniggered.

"Next time you might want to shut the window." Minerva said solemnly "Although, we'd probably stop you."

But before Snape could respond Albus called.

"Finished!" And he tied his letter to the owl's leg.

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Yay! Almost done... kind of happy/sad about that. So Minerva next *grins evilly* Remember to review... for those fans that haven't yet I do expect a review before the fic is done... yes I'm talking to you!


	13. McGonagall

Thre second last chapter :( and the last will be a shortie so this is really the last proper chapter... and it's Minerva, I wonder ho many of you will guess what he delay is... hmmmmm.

**Disclaimer: You've come this far in the fic, you should know I don't own Harry Potter.**

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"You know, I really don't think there's any need to drag this put longer. Albus, just send a proper owl, we'll meet tomorrow. You shouldn't keep the Minister waiting. Really, you can't have put much effort into that letter and I know he-"

"Shut up Severus!" Yelled Minerva, her outburst shocking everyone into silence. "We've heard, and seen quite enough from you today!"

She took a shuddering breath and jabbed her finger right in his face.

"If you try to delay us one more second I swear I'll..." Her threat trailed off and Snape was trying very hard not to smirk; even he could see it wasn't wise under the present circumstances.

"There is no way we are calling this off now! You know this was the only weekend we could schedule it, it's going to be a busy year, and you're lucky we even have time for it! We don't need more delay!"

The whole staffroom seemed to have paused to watch.

"And all of you are just as bad!" She yelled "I can't see one of you that hasn't done _something _to make us fall behind-"

"Excuse _me, _but I don't think I have done anything wrong!" Trelawny bristled with indignance.

"Nothing wrong?" Minerva scorned, turning on her "Oh suuuure, it's not like you sent me on a wild goose chase around the castle! As if you weren't the first to get all fussy when our _dear_," She layered the sarcasm into that word "Professor Snape was late!"

"Minerva," Flickwick said tentatively.

"What?" She snarled, whirling to face him.

"I don't think it really helps to-"

"Oh you're a fine one to talk about what does and doesn't help! If you hadn't been so darn _small _we never would have had to take you to the hospital wing. In fact," He eyes blazed again.

"I believe _you _had a part in that as well." She was in front of Snape again. He held his hands up as she addressed him again, but he couldn't help the smirk that spread over his face, it was second nature.

Minerva's wand was in her hand before any of them could move.

"And if you think you can stand there with that superior smile stuck all over your face you can think again. Do you really want me to count everything you've done wrong; everything you have tried to delay us with, because you and I both know it was done on purpose!"

"Minerva, that you could accuse me of such a thing-" But the attempt was half hearted, as his eyes were still on her wand.

"Watch it!" she snapped, holding her wand in front of herself threateningly as she began to pace.

"I said we both _know_ it was all on purpose. First you have to show up late and put up a stupidly good fight as well, and _then _what do you do? You go and try to provoke Sybil when we all know how silly your fights get. But there's more, of course there is, you simply can't resist going on to be the one that convinced Pomona to make a completely unnecessary trip to the greenhouses." Professor Sprout turned a rosy red at these words, seeming a little ashamed.

"And you delayed Miss Granger's visit as much as you could, taking an unnecessary amount of points... You then move on, if I remember correctly to _bully _Pomona as badly as you bully your students- and don't you roll your eyes at me, I talk to my Gryffindors and I know what you say! Oh, and of course you can't resist drawing in a book when we all know how Irma feels about keeping books in a good condition." The librarian was still glaring at Snape as if she'd like to see him dead.

"You sparked Charity off then, I believe." The still calm woman gave a dreamy smile at the sound of her name. "As well as almost killing Aurora in the process of waking her! And then, of all things, you pushed Flitwick out of a window and-"

"Minerva," Albus' voice made her pause in her tirade. "You seem to have given this a lot of thought, but I think we need to think about taking the photo-"

"That's what I'm thinking about!" she threw her hands up in despair. "As if you aren't just as bad Albus, with that _stupid_ owl flying all over the show, and the letter that really didn't need to be answered on the spot. It's as if every single member of this staff has to-"

"Minerva,"

"Keep doing their own thing,"

"Minerva!"

"Without caring how much trouble it causes when-"

"MINERVA!" yelled everyone except Snape, who seemed to be enjoying himself. And when she finally stopped Albus smiled, eyes twinkling.

"Please, calm down, we're ready to take the photo now."

She scanned their faces and thought that even Severus looked a little more subdued... a little.

"Oh," She looked a little self conscious now that she seemed to realise she'd just delayed them too.

"Sorry- and Filius, I didn't mean what I said, about you being small. Well, I guess I'm sorry to you too Pomona,"

She turned to Sprout and then took a deep breath and faced the whole room

"I'm sorry, all of you."

And there was a pause before Albus called.

"Places! Hagrid, can you bring Severus over please, so he can't _delay _us anymore." He gave Minerva a little smile.

And Hagrid hoisted the struggling potions master (who was yelling about being treated like a human being) by the shoulders and set him in place. Before Snape could move Hagrid was beside him and facing the camera.

The second that they were all in place was all the time Albus needed. With a flick of his wand the camera flashed, letting out purple smoke and a loud *CLICK*

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Review, you have one more chance... dundundun... that sounded a little gloomy, but on a brigter note thank you warmly to those who did review the last chapter- I love you all :D


	14. The Next Day

I can't believe this is over... It feels wierd, and I'm pretty sure it's my first multi-chapter fic thats ended. Wow... *girlish sqeee* anyway, I hope you enjoy. Like I said, It's a little shorter.

Oh, and I'm sorry if I didn't go with your ideas, but I'd already had the story planned... so sorry, they were great, but my mind was just in this place :(

**Disclaimers: Yeah... you've come this far, you couldn't honestly not have worked out that J. K. Rowling owns Harry Potter, not me!**

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Albus hummed cheerfully as he went into the staffroom, a large box in his arms.

"The photos have been made up." He said, beaming around at the staff, who where all there. "Severus, would you like to come and have a look, I'm sure you'll enjoy them.

Snape snorted "Not likely."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. I have no desire to see how badly the photo turned out."

"Alright then, would anyone like a look?" Minerva stood and went over too him. As he handed her the photo and look of utter shock crossed her face before she slumped onto the nearest seat. She seemed to slowly regain the power of speech.

"But- wh- where did everyone – how did_-" _She fell silent, eyes bugging in horror.

"What is it?" A few more staff members stood up and came to look over her shoulder.

There was a very long pause and then Pomona began to laugh.

"That's brilliant, you mist admit!" She said between chuckles. "Come over here Charity, take a look at this!"

Professor Burbage now stood, as did Hagrid and Filch, Madame Pince, who had all missed out so far.

Soon almost everyone was staring at there own copy of the photo, all with different reactions, but many had joined in Pomona's laughter.

"Well you must admit, we should have suspected it!" Flitwick chortled.

Over in the corner Snape seemed to be fighting some sort of internal battle. He plainly didn't want to look at any photos of himself, but his curiosity was slowly winning him over. Finally he shut his book snarled "You'd better not be laughing at _me_." And came over to join them.

He picked up a photo and gingerly turned it over. Then he brought the photo right up and examined it closely.

The frame was empty except for Sinistra, who sat, snoring in her chair, and Albus, who was twiddling his thumbs and beaming at the camera.

The edges of Snape's lips twitched into a smile and then, as if he couldn't resist, he let out a laugh.

Once it had escaped him it seemed he couldn't stop.

Smirking all over his face, and chuckling to himself he said.

"I bet you don't like _that _Minerva."

He looked up, to see then all staring at him in shock. The whole room was silent as they gaped at him.

"Oh, what are you staring at?" He snapped, suddenly annoyed. "Am I not allowed to laugh?"

"How- how did this even happened?" Minerva asked, looking as if she might be on the verge of tears.

"Well," Albus' eyes twinkled at her. "When I first picked up the photo we were all sitting there, and then Sinistra fell asleep and Trelawny snuck out the side. So, if it's any comfort to you, Severus was not the first to leave-"

"What do you mean 'not the first to leave'?" Snape asked. "Of course I would have left first!"

"I'm afraid you didn't."

Minerva looked at the furious Snape for a long moment and finally let out a weak smile.

"I guess..." She conceded "A small comfort, as you say."

"Yes, well, Severus was the next to leave; inching out of the photo, Charity seemed to see something out of the window, and of course, she was still a little dreamy from the potion. I can't really remember who went after that. Pomona and Hagrid had a talk, and both left to make themselves look better, but I expect those two will come back. And after everyone one was gone, Minerva was yelling out of the sides of the frame for a while, but she's gone now too." He beamed "And that's about it.

Minerva put her head in her hands.

"Talk about disfunctional..."

"Well _I _like it." Said Snape. "Do you mind Albus?"

He'd picked up a whole stack of photos, and when the headmaster nodded he went off, muttering to himself.

"Office, Private Chambers, classroom, Slytherin common room ..." As he counted out his stack of photos.

"Good to see him in such high spirits!" Albus said.

Most of the staff began dispersing then, some taking there own piles of photos, until Minerva and Albus where the only ones left.

"Are you alright Minerva?" Albus asked.

"I'm fine, just fine." she shook her head. "what a waste of time!"

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Oaky... all done. Thats feels so weird to say, you know...

THE END

Just odd... so thanks for reading the whole thing anyway! If you haven't reviwed yet this's you last chance, honestly, two or three words is fine (but more would be awesome) Please, I'll love you forever!


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